Yesterday was an oppressive day. Because of that and because of my cold, I went to bed early because that Benadryl really knocks me out.
Anyway, this time when meeting with the witches, there was the school's Dr there over legal administration. I had a one to one discussion with her and really expressed how I completely felt. Unlike the teachers, I think I made a better connection with her. The teachers did fail me from the program because of their bullshit reasons, bad judgement, and because I wasn't submissive to their authoritarian and controlling personality.
She listened to me without seeming to take either side. The only time I felt she was oppositional was when I was telling her the teachers were trying to make me be friends or be nicer to my classmates. She said: why not? I started off saying that I felt like the underdog, knowing I was being talked about and judged. I said I'm not going to be apologetic or begging towards them just because they judge me. And also, I'm not going to live my life to please them or prove myself to them, just because they judge me or have an opinion of me. I also added on against the teachers THAT IT IS MY FREE WILL my heart, my feelings, who I like and who I don't like. I think people are so used to and adapted to their barbie-ing ways taking it seriously, that they have totally forgotten about the person's free will and that IT IS THE INDIVIDUALS CHOICE. I hate that some people don't get how detached I am.
I wasn't afraid to tell her what I thought about the teachers either. One thing she wrote me up for was speaking bad about her to another CNA. I told the Dr, "Yeah I spoke bad of her, I think she is a tyranist." I told her about the lunch situation where she wouldn't let me eat and was trying to torment me about it. ABUSE. I also told her about my teacher's horrible judgements and accusations with calling me a liar and suspecting me of abuse when they have nothing to back up what they say. Those teachers have no sound reason or judgement. It is their own self-entitlement and fucked up judgement that they roll with. I told her how anal retentive they were, how dogging they were, how closed-minded and judgemental they were. I also told her they are probably pissed that my attitude isn't submissive or fearful to their authority. Again, it is my honest feelings, you can't control or manipulate me into feeling positive about people I have no respect for.
I told her it would probably be pointless to even try to go to this school and continue in the RN program because that grade will be used against me. Although I wonder, I told her I will not generalize and assume all teachers are like these teachers, but I added on they would probably gossip about me to other teachers and they might have a biased view about me because of what others say. I said, I even feel more helpless now because I have too much going against me.
She concluded that I am not helpless and that I should file a grievance report and that it would probably help me out while I continue to pursue my education. She made it sound like a piece of cake that things would be better if I pursued my RN, but would it really?
In other criticism for my attitude: Fuck whoever calls me a teenager. I think it is another kind of vain hate that just because I am in opposition to the authority, it gives me the teenager persona. Fuck that. I'm not eating that. Vain haters.
